If you have ever felt like your medical concerns were being ignored or easily dismissed, then you’ve fallen victim to “medical gaslighting.” And you’re hardly alone.
This practice is particularly pervasive among senior citizens. A nurse or doctor might claim your ailments aren’t real, that you’re greatly exaggerating them, or that they are a natural part of aging. But you’re still suffering all the same.
People, and especially seniors, must learn how to act as their own advocates at the doctor’s office. Because while many medical professionals will be able to spot concerns on their own and take your conditions as seriously as you do … you can’t assume every single one will. In fact, even if you have an amazing doctor, they can still err—for instance, if they’re slammed by a glut of patients, they could be rushed and gloss over essential discussions.
Let’s discuss how older adults can advocate for the healthcare they deserve to get the most out of every medical appointment. (And many of these tips work for people of all ages, so even if you’re not a senior citizen, feel free to keep reading!)
10 Ways to Advocate for Yourself During (And Before!) Doctor Appointments
Whether it’s an annual physical or an appointment to address a specific concern, seniors should actually do a little prep work before their doctor’s appointments.
Your goal should be to put yourself in a position where you can best help the doctor to help you. Don’t think of an appointment as you putting your health fully in the hands of professionals, but a team project. And the better you communicate and work together, the better your chances of getting the treatment you need and being as healthy as possible.
Read on as we lay out some advice about what to do before and during your doctor appointments.
1. Make a Discussion List
A survey by Wolters Kluwer Health found that roughly two-thirds of patients still have questions following a provider encounter. Considering that only 19% of patients have new questions following the appointment, that’s a lot of people who go into, and leave, their appointments with their original questions unasked or unanswered.
Part of the problem? We’re forgetful! Some people might have nagging health issues but still forget to bring them up when they go to see their doctor. Once the conversation starts flowing or a doctor starts doing tests, it can be easy to momentarily forget some of your health concerns.
But you don’t want to have to wait until your next exam to fix your issues. So it doesn’t matter whether you have two or 20 topics you want to discuss with a medical professional: Write them down.
Feeling more tired than usual? Experiencing a weird side effect with a new medication? Scrawl these thoughts out on a piece of paper, save them in your phone’s “Notes” app, or do whatever you need to do to make sure they’re with you when you visit your doctor.
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2. Ask Questions
Of course, once you’re actually at the doctor, you need to ask questions—and not just the ones you prepared. For instance, no one expects you to understand medical jargon, so if you need clarification about anything your doctor has said, ask follow-up questions so you can truly absorb what they’re saying.
According to the 2023 Survey on Racism, Discrimination, and Health by health policy nonprofit KFF, most adults over age 65 said they feel very comfortable asking healthcare providers questions. That’s good! But not everybody does, and the percentage of older adults who responded that they were comfortable asking questions was lower for those who identify as Asian or Hispanic, possibly a result of roughly a third of these older adults having limited English proficiency. Among those 65 and older, 79% of white adults and 81% of black adults said they felt very comfortable asking questions, but only 69% of Hispanic adults and 65% of Asian adults did.
So again: If you don’t understand something a medical professional has said, don’t be embarrassed to have them explain it in a different way.
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3. Take Notes
Your doctor may record some of the topics you discuss with your doctor. For example, the instructions for your medication will likely be both in the appointment notes and on medication bottles.
But your entire conversation might not be written down for you, so you should take notes, too. For instance, write down the answers to both prepared and on-the-spot questions, how long you should expect to see results from a new medicine, or any symptoms the doctor suggests might warrant an emergency visit.
Depending on what state you live in, you might also be able to legally audio-record your conversation with a doctor. But please, before doing so, make sure you know your state’s laws, and your facility’s policies, so you don’t get into trouble.
One novel way to be fully present during your appointment without having to transcribe notes later is voice-to-text software. But make sure you have high confidence in its accuracy (and even consider asking your doctor to help test it out with you) before you put it to work.
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4. Bring Someone With You
You’re allowed to bring someone with you to a medical check-up, and doing so makes every tip we’ve listed so far easier!
Have a friend or family member check items off your list of concerns, ask questions you might not have thought of, and take notes for you. They might even be able to help explain anything that’s confusing to you, particularly if there is a language barrier.
Importantly, this person can also help advocate for you if you think any of your concerns are being dismissed—especially when it comes to symptoms or conditions that aren’t visible to the doctor. (A great example is depression. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention estimate that some 7 million Americans age 65 and older suffer from depression, but multiple studies show it often goes undiagnosed and untreated, even though depression treatments can be quite effective for older adults.)
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5. Consider Getting a Second Opinion
This works both ways—maybe you feel like your doctor is ignoring valid concerns, but on the flip side, maybe you feel like your doctor overreacts to every concern and prescribes too many risky medications or quickly proposes costly procedural solutions. For whatever reason, if you disagree with a doctor’s diagnosis (or lack thereof), you have the right to seek a second opinion.
Wanting another opinion is common and shouldn’t bother your doctor. Some professionals even encourage patients to seek another opinion.
However, a 2024 survey conducted by Acumen Marketing Research, on behalf of The Clinic by Cleveland Clinic, showed that while nearly three-fourths of respondents (71%) with serious health issues considered getting a second opinion, only half actually followed through.
“Among those who never received a second opinion, perceived cost, unfamiliarity with the specialist, lack of specialists in their area, and lack of time were cited among perceived disadvantages,” the survey shows. Some of these concerns (time, specialist availability) can be mitigated by getting a virtual second opinion, so remember that choice is often available.
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6. Tell The Truth
Some people lie to their doctors—and while it might be a bitter pill to swallow, there’s a better-than-a-coin-flip chance that you’re one of those people.
In a survey of 3,000 American adults conducted by digital health marketplace USA Rx, a majority of respondents (58%) said they have lied or kept information from their physician. The most popular reasons for lying were embarrassment and fear of judgment.
If that’s you, stop it. Tell the truth.
You might not want to admit you smoke, never exercise, or have a high number of sexual partners. You might feel the weight of the stigma that still exists around mental health, so you don’t want to mention feeling anxious or depressed. For whatever reason, you just don’t want to feel like your doctor is judging you.
Whatever your reason for lying, throw it out the window. Because it’s difficult to advocate for your own health when you aren’t giving medical professionals the full picture. Being untruthful can lead to misdiagnosis or incorrect medication prescriptions. Let’s say a patient is supposed to be taking medication for high blood pressure but often forgets to take it. He doesn’t want to seem irresponsible, so he tells his doctor he always takes it—but because the doctor sees no improvement, he increases the dosage, which if taken regularly could cause significant adverse effects.
In short: If you want your medical concerns to be taken seriously, be honest with your doctor.
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7. Ask for a Medication Review
Polypharmacy refers to when a person takes multiple prescription drugs. Medications are often vital to older adults’ continued health, but in some cases, taking too many medications simultaneously—or just taking even a couple that simply don’t mix well—can contribute to hospitalizations and premature deaths.
The Lown Institute, a nonpartisan think tank that focuses on health care, estimates that between 2020 and 2030, medication overload could cause more than 4.5 million hospital admissions and 150,000 premature deaths in the United States.
To reduce this particular risk, it’s essential to do regular medication reviews with your doctor to ensure your prescriptions aren’t negatively interacting with one another.
The 2023 University of Michigan National Poll on Healthy Aging asked adults between the ages of 50 to 80 about their medication use. More than 80% of respondents taking prescription medications said they would be interested in stopping one or more if a medical provider was on board. If this sounds like you, talk to your physician about whether all of your medications are still necessary.
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8. Ask for Free Health Screenings
Routine health screenings are important, yet they are often skipped.
According to Aflac’s 2023 Wellness Matters Survey, around half of respondents said they avoided one or more common health screenings, including tests for certain diseases. But the blame shouldn’t be placed on patients alone—physicians don’t always mention all of the free medical screening procedures available to you, so you might need to request that information yourself.
Some preventative screenings are free at any age, while others require a minimum age for the cost to be waived. Among the many things that are free for seniors, anyone with Medicare Part B is entitled to around two dozen free preventive services. (Eligibility is also determined by risk factors, age, and Medicare-determined time frames.) So if you have Medicare, inquire about which preventative services you might be able to get free of charge.
Also, remember: While some preventative care is free for senior citizens, any follow-up diagnostics might still carry a cost.
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9. Schedule Strategically
Believe it or not, but the time of day at which you schedule your doctor’s appointment can affect how it goes. As the day goes on, a doctor’s schedule can start to get behind, and that might cause them to rush later appointments to get back on track.
In a 2023 poll conducted by The Harris Poll on behalf of the American Academy of Physician Associates, 30% of respondents reported having felt rushed during a health care appointment, and 66% said they felt their health care providers appeared more rushed than they had in the past.
And in many cases, that’s because they’re seeing more patients than they have in previous years.
If you’re feeling rushed, it’s difficult to advocate for yourself and ask all the questions you want. So schedule strategically and try to get in while your doctor’s still fresh and on time.
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10. Know Your Rights
Are you deaf or hard of hearing? The Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) entitles you to effective communication. The U.S. Department of Justice Civil Rights Division states that “The ADA places responsibility for providing effective communication, including the use of interpreters, directly on covered entities.” And by covered entities, they mean title II entities (state and local governments) and title III entities (businesses and nonprofit organizations that serve the public).
In short, they can’t require you to bring someone in to interpret for you (though emergency exceptions apply). Generally speaking, they need to make sure your communication needs are addressed.
Similarly, if you don’t speak English, or a very limited amount, the Affordable Care Act might entitle you to an interpreter at no additional cost to you. Research what services you might be entitled to, and plan ahead if you will need to use any of these services.
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